Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Pile of Shit…

15Nov09

i try not to use too much foul language in my posts, but this one deserves it. just so you know. oh, and there are spoilers ahead for those who haven’t this steaming pile yet.

finally got around to watching the last indiana jones movie. or at least i hope it’ll be the last if this is the kind of crap they’re gonna pass off as indiana jones. now, every indiana jones movie requires you to back off a bit and just enjoy the silly adventure of it. that said, aside from the horribly distracting obvious overuse of bluescreen sound stages rather than actual locations (god forbid), this latest actually wasn’t a terrible movie.

until about the last 15 minutes, in which…

THERES A FUCKING FLYING SAUCER.

no shit. a goddamn flying fucking saucer in an indiana jones movie. now, i was actually cool with alien skull thing and the idea that aliens gave all this knowledge to some ancient mayan civilization. i was actually willing to go along with it. that is until an interdimensional portal opened up and a fucking flying goddamn saucer rose up out of the ground, to more or less wrap things up. oh, that and some trite bullshit about knowledge being the real treasure, not the city of gold that it was supposed to be.

after it was over i couldn’t help myself and tried to watch the behind the scenes feature. i ended up turning it off after george lucas, the film making genius of recent years that he is, actually said (and of course i’m paraphrasing here), ‘i thought i’d be cool to make it like one of those alien invasion b-movies from the fifties, because, you know, this movie takes place in the fifties, and i like aliens, and everything’s better in space.’

fuck you george. and fuck you too steven for going along with it. congratulations. you’ve managed to take one of the best adventure film franchises in recent history and turn it into one big self-gratifying sci-fi circle jerk. oh, and an extra nod to you george, for successfully managing to ruin two iconic film franchises within your lifetime.



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