Shit My Dad Says…

10Feb10

been meaning to post about this. the guy just posts stuff his 74-year-old father says on his twitter page. funny as hell, and worth reading through them all.

a few of my favorites:

“The dog don’t like you planting stuff there. It’s his backyard. If you’re the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that.”

“Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don’t ever say stuff just because you think you should. That’s the definition of an asshole.”

“Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why’s he gotta do a trick first? YOU don’t have to do shit before YOU eat.”

“I like the dog. If he can’t eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that.”

“You worry too much. Eat some bacon… What? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”

“A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching.”

“We’re out of Grape Nuts… No, what’s left is for me. Sorry, I should have said “You’re out of Grape Nuts.”

“STOP apologizing. You’re sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not fucked his wife.”

enjoy.

Filed under: Humor   |  1 Comment